Don't stare in the mirror on cold January mornings

Looking in the mirror this morning I see the deep creases in my forehead from years of scrunching up my forehead wondering about people. It's the exact same expression Ryan wore on his face for the first 2 years of his life. Unsure about people. Not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and a smile. The older he gets the more I see myself in him. Hoping its the good, but knowing it's probably the crazy too.

I also see the additional 10 (15 if we are honest) pounds that I am currently waging war on this year. It is not nearly as easy to lose now as it was when I was 21 and could run a few extra miles. It is beyond frustrating. Weight is not something I ever, ever thought I would have to worry about, but this is 38 and 2 babies.

I look at my hands and can't believe how bad they look. Scars from eczema and repeat cooking burns have left them looking like my grandmamas. I will decide this is not entirely a bad thing.

I see the beginning of tiny creases around my eyes. I try to ignore these for now. I have long taken pride that I inherited the good skin that can only come from good genes. Skin you can not purchase. No expensive skin products can replace good genes. My Nana's porcelain skin at 81 is beautiful. So, for now, I will not worry about the eye creases.

I do not look in the mirror and see my Mother. I keep wondering when she will stare back at me, but for now I do not see her. And, that's fine.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and the little voice in the back of my head starts asking questions. "What are you doing?" "What have you done?" "Are you sure you are doing enough?" Annoying questions like that make me doubt myself. I try to ignore that little voice most of the time.