Sixteen

My 6 pound 7 ounce, 15 day early tiny baby boy turned 16. The baby that I gave birth to at 3:43 on a Tuesday afternoon, then almost died by 7:00 that night, and didn't get to hold until a few days later got a drivers license. I gave birth to him naturally on a Tuesday afternoon but didn't bring him home until Saturday. If there is lasting birth trauma- well - I still have it 16 years later. This specific baby turned 16, got a car and a drivers license and drives off in it every day now into the dangerous, hard world. And I'm not okay.

Will is a wonderful kid. I am not worried about him. I am worried about all the other crazy people out there on the roads that don't understand that the 2 only things that matter the most to me are riding in the same car together. Will and Ryan.

I remember turning 16. It wasn't that big of a deal. My Mom took me over to the DMV one afternoon in September after school, I drove around with the DMV person for a few minutes, Caudill Drive past the Cash's, came back and was done. My Dad bought me a white Toyota Celica - stick shift so I would know how to drive manual transmission- and I was thrilled. Pretty sure I couldn't drive that car for months though because I was grounded for having a D in Frances Bennett's Algebra class. Good times.

I am sure my Mom was worried. I am sure she thought what in the world am I doing putting my baby into a car and sending her off into the world, but at the time I didn't think/care about that. But this is my baby and I am fully aware of how precious and fleeting life is. I watched one of my friends bury her 16 year old son last year and it permanently changed me and how I view life.  Nothing matters. Life is but a vapor. So, I will cherish my 2 angel boys every single day I am gifted with them and I will not apologize for being sad that they drive off in a car without me.

Tuesday I went to my yoga class for the first time in a while. My yoga teacher is taking her first baby to college this week in California. She had a new music playlist for us and the first song that came on was Landslide by Stevie Nicks. We both looked at each with tears in our eyes. Nothing to say. Nothing can stop the progression of time or from babies driving cars or going to college.


Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
I'm getting' older, too