Last Friday I had to watch my husband be a pall bearer at his best friend's wife's funeral. She was 44. She has a 9 year old daughter who spoke at the funeral. These are things I do not want to witness.
I have had to make some medical decisions recently that I did not want to make. Decisions that 41 year women have to make. I did not want to make these decisions or think about these things. I want to be 27 forever. And weigh 114 pounds. But, alas, the reality is much grimmer.
I am having to watch our grandmothers get older. JW's grandmother is now in a nursing home. She is not happy living there and his mother is having to take care of her. This is brutal to watch.
My own young and beautiful Nana is now getting older. I do not want to accept this at all. I want her to be young and active forever. And make me Totino's Party Pizza, and style hair, and tell people they have gained weight.
My own two boys are getting older. They are having to go places like middle school. Gross. We have to make academic decisions for them like signing their life away to things like AP Calculus and Statistics. Decisions I do not want to make for my 7th grader. They are growing and learning things that older kids learn. This is not what I want. Why can't people stay small and watch Thomas the Train forever?
I have had to sacrifice things I have really wanted to do because my boys needed to be somewhere or do something. I sit at hot and dusty baseball fields at dusk even though it means when I get home I won't be able to breathe all night.
And to be honest, I don't even care. I am constantly shocked and amazed that God thought enough of me to bless me with these two boys. Highest compliment I will ever be given.
But, I don't like the getting old part. I just don't. It is "adulting" at it's height, and I could do without it. JW and I both lament getting older. Everyone is a liar. They say "oh 40 is so great. 40 is the new 30." Liars. All of them.