I guess I just always assumed I would have a girl baby. I don't know why, but I did. That's how I saw myself. I always just wanted to be a Mom and when I would play babies growing up with Missy, we always had baby girls. In dresses. And bows. I mean, I was a girl. I didn't have brothers, so that is all I knew. Girls and girl stuff.
So, I was pleasantly surprised when I found out Will was going to be a boy. How fun! A boy! What a surprise! How unique! We had our name pretty much picked out for us, so that wasn't hard. What a great treat for my Dad, to have a grandson. I got on board with the boy thing very quickly. Big brothers are great ( I was already thinking down the road to future siblings,) every girl needs a big brother to protect her. How fun! A BOY! And I would spend MUCH less money on clothes! This is great!
And Will was born and he was perfect. He was an angel. He was the answer to every prayer I ever prayed. He was everything I needed and never knew. He was beautiful with his bright blue eyes and blonde hair.
So, about 2 and 1/2 years later we were unexpectedly expecting another baby. I hummed and hawed and couldn't decide if I wanted to know the gender or not. But, we were in a position where I really needed to plan ahead for many reasons. So, we found out we were expecting another boy. Shock. I was in shock. We both thought for sure it was a girl. We both would've bet the farm it was a girl. What in this world? Why would we want two boys? I think John Will even promised me it was a girl. I called my Dad first and told him while he was playing golf that he was getting another boy. I think he was secretly disappointed. Nana, however, was convinced of John Will's masculinity after siring 2 boys in a row. I spent 9 months wrapping my mind around the idea of a little brother. Two boys. Who did God think I was? Expert boy Mom?
And Ryan was born and he was gorgeous. And we have never been happier to hear a baby cry after 45 minutes of silence and a wrapped cord. He was big and beautiful and exactly what I needed. He is the second half of my soul that I never knew was missing. He has hazel eyes and broad shoulders and the compassion and strength our family needed.
So, where is my girl? I am still looking for her. I have had Greta and now Betsy, but they are not exactly the same. Not that I miss the drama and eye rolls. No ma'am, I don't need anyone telling me constantly what to do and what to wear. But, I wouldn't mind shopping at the American Girl doll store. Or, picking out a wedding dress. Or helping someone out in the delivery room some day. I doubt my daughter-in-laws will welcome me in the delivery room. And I doubt they will want my advice. And they won't call me with cooking questions. And I will be lonely. And that makes me sad. I might meet my girl some day, but it won't be this side of Heaven. And, I guess that's okay.
Because being a boy mom is awesome. My boys are sweet and kind. They are smart and strong. They tell me I'm beautiful and cuddle with me at night. They could not care less what they wear. I have happily watched more baseball games than I ever envisioned in my future. I have heard more Mindcraft stories and Pokémon stories than I ever needed to hear. I have witnessed excitement over new Star Wars movies and ping pong tables. I have seen my son cry real tears over a Tennessee football game. What more I could want? I have no idea.