I recently finished reading the book, "I was a Really Good Mom before I had Kids. Reinventing Modern Motherhood." It will have you laughing out loud! It is a hysterical look at motherhood. The authors are two moms who say all the things you think, but never want to express out loud.
One of the quotes from the book that has really stayed with me and had me thinking is this one: "So many of my friends are having three and four kids, and I'm like, 'why is three the new two?' It is hard to realize that two is our limit." This is exactly how I feel. When I was growing up most families just had 2 kids. Only a few of my friends had more than one sibling. Now it seems everyone wants more than two. Many of my friends have three or are currently working on number three. Being a female only child, having two little boys still rocks my world. Sometimes I pinch myself to make sure this really is, in fact, my life.
Then I think about my dear grandfather (father of 2) who said in his 80's that he wished they had had more children. My own in-laws have expressed the feelings that they wish they had had more than 2 children. I think about the Quiverfull movement, http://www.quiverfull.com/, the biblically based group that holds the belief that children are a gift from God and asks the question, who are we to refuse a gift from God? So many people desparately just wish they could have one baby.
Then I think about the fact that if I did have another baby it would be another boy. This, of course, reminds me of my dear aunt Emily (mother of 3 boys) who is famous for her quote "the only thing worse than 2 boys is 3." She is kidding, obviously. But I would end up with another boy. The selfish part of me wants a little girl so I can dress her in all the divine, beautiful little girl clothes. So I will get to pick out a girl name and take her to ballet. So I will have a daughter to share the mother-daughter relationship like my mother and I have. Who will call me with cooking questions? Who will call me with questions when their own child is a baby? I will never get to be "chief meme." I currently pray for wonderful daughters-in-law, but they will probably call their own mothers with these questions.
Then I think I of all the stupid specifics of how my 2 children fit nicely in the back of my cute little Outback. I don't want to drive a minivan or a huge SUV with a 3rd row. I just want to keep driving my Outback. Currently we have 1-on-1 parenting. If we added a 3rd we would have to be split up on roller coasters and ski lifts. 4 in a family is just such a nice even number.
I think of how blessed I am to have 2 perfectly beautiful and healthy boys. This is all that really matters. I don't have good pregnancies and each of my deliveries have had their own scary moments. We are so blessed that everyone is safe and healthy. I will be 35 in 3 years. I am no spring chicken. I am resolved that we are not going to have another baby. But, these are the things that go through my crowded mind. Many of my friends want 3 children. Sometimes I just wonder why I don't want any more? Who am I to refuse a gift from God?
What do you all think?
5 comments:
Ginger, I can totally relate to your thoughts. I have those thoughts too and I have 3! It seems like big families are popular these days. Sometimes I feel like I want another b/c we aren't even. We will be split up with 5 so another child would make us even but then I think of how much work a newborn is and how close to being diaper free I am! I have internal struggles constantly. I don't have any answers just wanted you to know you aren't alone. (Plus you might be surprised with daughter-in-laws, I am very close to my mom and my mother-in-law. I ask them both lots of questions all the time. My mom did't have boys and Matt's mom had 3! I go to her with all my "boy questions". It has made my relationship with her stronger than ever)
Holly- thanks for your comments! I, too, am blessed to have a great mother-in-law. I can only hope my future daughter-in-laws will feel close to me :)
I already have these thoughts of adding more to our family and I'm 7 weeks away from delivering our 2nd child. It is hard to imagine this being my last pregnancy.
I am sure we will be a family of two, but the thoughts you mentioned in your blog are all ones that I struggle with.
I love the sweet nature of both of your boys. They'll be good to take of their mother as they grow older!
Oh, Ginger. I love the way you shared what was on your heart. So many of those same thoughts have gone through my head, too, and we know two is all we can possible handle! What is hard for me is the finality of it all. I, like Sara, had a hard time with knowing that all of Josiah's first were very probably my lasts, so-to-speak. Such a different view of firsts than I held when Mackenzie was reaching the same milestones. Oh, well. I really believe that David and I can offer more to two than three. (I mean, sanity, for one thing!) If we went with the perspective of have as many as the Lord allows, we would be homeless and crazy, too. I think you have to make whatever decision is best for your family, no matter what the "popular" numbers are these days. No one else lives with your family, and no one else is taking care of your family.
Your thoughts on not having a daughter made me sad. But you have two beautiful boys that are just precious, Ginger! They are sweeties. And you did survive their deliveries, which is amazing in and of itself! You have a beautiful family.
I think if you are uncomfortable with the idea of more, then stop!
We crazily have four children, and it is very difficult.
Emotionally, financially, physically, mentally, even spiritually at times -- when can I "be still and know"?
I wanted six, once upon a time. Thankfully I have four instead.
I am sure the people in the quiverfull movement are well-intentioned, but there are probably some mothers wrapped up in the group who feel forced to become factories. That's no way to live. (Just speculation.)
Hi, I'm Clarissa. :-)
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