I went to a Ladies Fellowship Dinner Monday night with ladies from our church. It was wonderful. I met people I had never spoken to before and made some great connections with ladies I may never have met on a hectic Sunday morning. One of the mixer games was to divide into groups by birth order. Four groups- oldest, middle, baby, and only. (Let me just say I have always been fascinated by the birth order theories. I have read birth order books and strongly believe in most of the theories.)
I am slowly fixing my decaf coffee watching people gather into their groups, wondering if I will be the only "only" here. Thankfully, I was wrong. In the corner were 4 other "grown-up" only children. 5 of us total, ranging in ages. We were supposed to go around and tell what we thought was the best thing about our specific birth order. Well, that was kind of obvious to the 5 of us- we never had to share anything. So, instead, we went around and told WHY we were only children. Out of the 5 of us, 2 reasons were health problems and 3 were divorce. Let me just say that is the biggest misconception about only children. Ask one, because there is always a reason. Fertility issues, divorce, health problems, etc.. Don't just assume.
Now, to the second biggest misconception. Being spoiled rotten. That is the first thing out of most mouths in regards to only children. I get defensive here. No, we did not have to share the backseat, toys, or attention. But, did this automatically make us "spoiled?" Umm, no. Now, obviously I chose to have more than one child. Nothing can compare to the bond between siblings. I cherish watching my boys interact with each other. And, thankfully, my sister-in-law is like the sister I never had. I share my life with her just like I would a blood-related sister.
I have been blessed. I have parents who raised me not be "spoiled," but to appreciate life and the blessings God has given me. I was taken everywhere with my parents. It was assumed I would travel with them and know how to converse with adults. No, I didn't have to share a backseat, but that is a good thing since I routinely get severely carsick. I never had an atari or a nintendo, but I was taken to museums and nice restaurants. I had a wonderful childhood and for that I am thankful.
For all you "onlies" out there, this is for you! Now, I will end my rant for the night before my mother dies of embarrassment.
7 comments:
I appreciate you expressing your point of view on this. My sister is pregnant with her first child, who is due in February. She and her husband say they're only planning to have one, and I find that curious. Not many people opt for that, although he was an only child...so I think that plays into their decision. Smartly, my sister recognizes that she may later change her mind, too. I'm trying not to let it hurt my feelings that even though she grew up with a sibling (me!) she doesn't necessarily want that for her child. Thanks for sharing!
Cindy- interesting that he was an only child and he wants that for his child. I always knew I wanted more than one.
I'm willing to bet your sister changes her mind!!
I think birth order is interesting as well especially now that I have children
It is interesting how people make huge assumptions to those who are "onlies". I personally have always found that to be unfair.
I enjoyed your entry! I had a close friend growing up who was an only child. To this day I don't know the reason why she was an only child (by her parent's choose or by things out of their control). I do know that she was always lonely; I thought that was sad as my brother and I were quite close. So...my assumption about onlies has always been this: they are lonely! I realize know that is simply an assumption. I'm willing to bet that your parents kept you busy and had your friends over plenty often enough to keep you from being lonely. Thanks for the insight! :)
I realize NOW, not know. Ha. I should have proofed it before posting it. :)
April- thanks for your comment. I do not ever remember being lonely. That never even crossed my mind. I had tons of friends and family constantly in my life.
One thing my group expressed the other night is that we think being an "only" fostered great creativity. We all had a great love for books and the arts. Maybe being an "only" forces a greater sense of creativity from time spent alone. I think this is a positive- not a negative.
you are too sweet!!!! not only is it great to have that person who is the only one who truly can understand from where you came in a sibling- sometimes you get really lucky and they give you another person who understands where you are now too!!!! and then- your kids get cousins- which is another realm of discussion altogether!
i brought up your thoughts on this at a baby shower this morning- and although the guest of honor was an only herself- i found it ironic that besides good night moon, her other favorite book as a little one was little brother:)
although i find your point interesting about onlies having to learn to play on their own might make them more creative, i would also add that you and both of your parents are extremely creative and talented people- so i think you were gifted to a life of appreciation of and creativity-siblings or not!!!
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